The First Doctrine
The Doctrine
Read it. Twice. Down here, "nobody told me" is not a defense.
The Seven Commandments
Say the name three times.
Twice is an accident. The third time is a contract. It has already been signed.
The offering is the only staircase.
Prayer is free. That is precisely why it does nothing.
The ranking measures money, not faith.
Faith does not come with a receipt.
Never trust the living.
I do not. That is why I am still here.
There are no refunds.
There is no consumer protection agency in the afterlife. I checked. Thoroughly.
Read the fine print.
Nobody reads it. That is the entire business model.
The show must go on.
It's showtime. Always has been. Still is.
Words from the Founder
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
It's showtime.
Never trust the living.
— Betelgeuse, on the subject of himself, repeatedly
Why you would give me money
A fair question. Nobody on this side of the grave is going to answer it honestly, so I will.
Your name survives.
The register is forever — or as long as this site is, and I am notoriously hard to kill.
You climb.
One hour, one day, one month, since the beginning. Four stages. First is first on any of them.
I remember you.
This is the valuable one. I mean that. Probably.
That's the whole doctrine.
You have read it. That counts as agreeing to it — see commandment six.
Make your offering